Panera Bread

Panera bread Is one of those places where I go and I just feel like a second class citizen. Which is just absolutely ridiculous because it really isn’t that fancy. The other day I was in there I overheard, eh let’s be real I was eavesdropping. I love listening to what workers complain about. I wanna know why you are going to prepare my meal in the worst, most unflattering way possible. Ya know, you don’t go out to eat and expect greatness, that’s just irresponsible. But I heard the worker talking about having two boyfriends and not knowing which one got her pregnant. “I was like wow it’s good to
Know that these 5 star iron chefs are people too, just don’t get your whore fingers all over my pasta.” People that dress nice for their visits to Panera are such fucking cunts. Seriously, I see you walking in with your peacoat jacket, male ugs, and your Taliban scarf. Walking around with your head in the smug cloud hovering around you. I would love to just strike up a conversation with these people and really connect on a pretentious level and when their really getting passionate about the global economy and whole foods I just throw up all over their table and food. There’s no message or meaning behind this fantasy it’s just my defense mechanism when I feel undervalued. I do the same thing in the bedroom when the girl says “we need to go again”

2 notes

Hunger Strike

People that go on hunger strikes are hilarious. The audacity it takes to do that. Like as if your life is so important that I give a shit if you eat or not. Eh fuck you buddy your choice. The only time a hunger strike is ok is when you’re 3 and you don’t want to eat your veggies. ‘No mom I don’t think I’m going to eat those peas. Actually I don’t think I’m going to eat at all until I get a skittles pizza’ ‘please honey just eat your peas for mommy’ ‘you have my demands, i’ll be ignoring you and resisting whatever you try to do for the next forever until i get my skittles pizza.’” Moms just freaking out inside her head like “fucken kid better eat his peas or i’m gonna get that skittles pizza and eat the whole thing in front of you, you little bastard, i’ll call you outside, yeahhh and eat it inside my car with the doors locked! maybe tease you through the window, let’s have fun with it”. i don’t know maybe moms don’t think like that hahaha But seriously who the fuck tries to starve themselves to death in america of all places these days. Some people are already on the streets starving and we don’t give shit and you want to choose to be hungry? No one is going to sympathize for you my man. You don’t have a depressing commercial and white guilt on your side. You have white hate and i’m not sure how far that will get ya. Like this guy in Utah fasting until gay marriage is illegal. that just seems crazy, no one is going to get behind you like with ghandi. “did you here? Rich is starving himself to stop gay marriage” “oh really ? what do gay people have to say about it ?” ‘Rich, if you get hungry, you can eat my ass”. Honestly though who’s going to give a shit ? like ok buddy fuck you, starve yourself then you die and now you’re not my problem anymore. Why the hell should the state of Utah care if this guy offs himself passive aggressively. If someone wants to starve themselves in hopes of hurting other people, then i say you call them an idiot and let them expire.

Facebook inspiration

I can’t stand all these fucken inspirational statuses on Facebook. What the hell is the objective here ? No ones on Facebook like “today’s the day man, I’m gonna do it I can’t stand life, I’ll just check Facebook one last time and oh look what Whitney posted, ‘when life puts you in the dumps you just gotta recycle’ wow Whitney you saved my life with that inspiration”. Fuck Whitney, you’re real clever aren’t you dear ? You should probably hit up hallmark for a career with such poetic statuses spewing out of your digital asshole. Those posts are more for the poster. They’re life is so dull and shitty they gotta remind themselves and the world that they’re just doing great, even though they don’t believe it after the 100th status about lemons and lemonade. Fuck Facebook what the hell is even the point anymore.


So on Christmas day my father gave me a CD by a local folk band signed, Merry Christmas, Ray ! At first i was pumped on the CD and then i was like “dad who the fuck is Ray”, “nice blatant re-gift dad” but no, he really did go see Dave Fiddlesticks Fiddlers (i don’t remember the name, fuck em) and he got the album signed out to Ray. He then told me everyone at the coffee place knows him by Ray. He is Bob, my dad by day, and Ray, a mysterious coffee fanatic by night. Like i really hope he doesn’t just stop there like he changes his whole personality and wardrobe, looking like the planters nut guy craving caffeine ‘I would like a double shot espresso mixed with a pepsi, double sugar. Boy do i get a kick out of Dave Fiddlesticks Fiddlers, they drive me nuts ;)’ After he tells his story I’m just like what the fuck dude hahaha what makes you do this. “The people at the coffee shop don’t need to know who I am”. Yea man, definitely don’t want to give up that intel. The coffee shop people are baaaad people. We jabbered back and forth but never resolved anything. That’s how a lot of things go down in that house hahaha a lot of barking and growling but once we get tired we just go back to our devices “ok well i gotta check my e-mail well ugh continue this subconsciously during our next interaction? perfect” yea, I gave up on the band, didn’t even listen to the CD. Just the way i acquired their music ruined my interest completely. Shit maybe it has a curse on it, The Curse of Ray ! and that’s why my dad is pawning it off. Damn Ray i think its real. ever since i got home from christmas i’ve had nothing but bad luck: car expenses, snowstorms, i’m hungry but i dont want to cook. shit maybe even though i don’t have the CD physically, it is still making me have an old shitty honda and bigger appetite than the chef in me. Ray, you’re on my shitlist. Have a happy new year

Today marks the day where I am changing the layout of my blog and style

'm going to just rant about things in hopefully a humorous way. Read if you want to

stop blaming celebs for your shitty kid. Your bloodline needs to be knotted up and left behind because your family is an environmental disaster. Your shitty pasta is covered in shitty sauce. Yeah i don’t know you can figure that out
my referal to a family being an environmental disaster is brought to you by the comedian bill burr. but seriously take responsibility for your kids.


“Monday, April 16 marked the one-year anniversary of the first time park guests got to see an 8-week-old male cheetah cub and a 16-week-old female yellow Labrador puppy start to strike up a friendship that the park’s animal experts expect to last a lifetime.”    

65,553 notes

Anonymous said: I miss you...

then talk to me haha

In April 2010, radio astronomers working at the Jodrell Bank Observatory spotted an unknown object in the galaxy M82 ,sending radio signals and the emission was never seen before in the universe,and the object was moving 4 times faster than the speed of light.

hows that for blowing your fucking mind

In April 2010, radio astronomers working at the Jodrell Bank Observatory spotted an unknown object in the galaxy M82 ,sending radio signals and the emission was never seen before in the universe,and the object was moving 4 times faster than the speed of light.

hows that for blowing your fucking mind

190 notes





Links for bored people. You’re welcome.

I want to make love to the person who made this! :’)

I have been at that third site for a good solid 20 minutes HELP

omfg the “chill” folk one

(Source: j14mag)

219,186 notes


In a parallel universe…


In a parallel universe…

71,939 notes